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Thursday, June 29, 2006

"A Better Place to Be"

I Know You Rider


Goin to plant a weeping willow On the banks green edge it will grow grow grow Sing a lullaby beside the water Lovers come and go but the river roll roll roll

As we rode out to fennario, as we rode on to fennario
Our captain fell in love with a lady like a dove
And he called her by name, pretty peggy-o.

Will you marry me pretty peggy-o, will you marry me pretty peggy-o
If you will marry me, i'll set your cities free
And free all the ladies in the are-o.

I would marry you sweet william-o, i would marry you sweet william-o
I would marry you but your guineas are too few
And i fear my mama would be angry-o.

What would your mama think pretty peggy-o,
What would your mama think pretty peggy-o,
What would your mama think if she heard my guineas clink
Saw me marching at the head of my soldiers.

If ever i return pretty peggy-o, if ever i return pretty peggy-o
If ever i return your cities i will burn
Destroy all the ladies in the area-o.

Come steppin' down the stairs pretty peggy-o,
Come steppin' down the stairs pretty peggy-o,
Come steppin' down the stairs combin' back your yellow hair
Bid a last farewell to your william-o.

Sweet William he is dead pretty peggy-o, sweet William he is dead pretty peggy-o,
Sweet william he is dead and he died for a maid

And he's buried in the louisiana country-o.

As we rode out to fennario, as we rode out to fennario
Our captain fell in love with a lady like a dove,
And he called her by name, pretty peggy-o.

Ambushed!

A Rogues Blade is Only Dull When He Doesn't Want to Fight
Cut Down A Man in Cold Blood

We can share the women
We can share the wine
We can share what we got of yours
'Cause we done shared all of mine

Keep on rolling
Just a mile to go
Keep on rolling, my old buddy
You're moving much too slow

I just jumped the watchman
Right outside the fence
Took his ring, four bucks in change
Now ain't that heaven sent?

Hurts my ears to listen, Shannon
Burns my eyes to see
Cut down a man in cold blood, Shannon
Might as well be me

We used to play for silver
Now we play for life
One's for sport and one's for blood
At the point of a knife
Now the die is shaken
Now the die must fall

There ain't a winner in this game
We don't go home with all
Not with all...

Leaving Texas
Fourth day of July
Sun so hot, clouds so low
The eagles filled the sky

Catch the Detroit Lightning
Out of Santa Fe
Great Northern out of Cheyenne
From sea to shining sea

Gotta get to Tulsa
First train we can ride
Got to settle one old score
And one small point of pride...

Ain't no place a man can hide
, Shannon
Will Keep him from the sun
Ain't no bed will give us rest, man,
You keep us on the run

Jack Straw from Wichita
Cut his buddy down
Dug for him a shallow grave
And layed his body down

Half a mile from Tucson
By the morning light
One man gone and another to go
My old buddy you're moving much too slow

We can share the women
we can share the wine...

Rediscovering Music

The Music Never Stopped


Lost One Round but the Price Wasn't Anything

Rat in a drain ditch
Caught on a limb

You know better but
I know Him

Like I told you
What I said
Steal your face
right off your head


Now he's Gone
Lord he's gone
Like a steam locomotive
rolling down the track
He's gone
He's gone
and nothing's gonna bring him back
He's gone

Nine mile skid
on a ten mile ride
Hot as a pistol
but cool inside
Cat on a tin roof
Dogs in a pile
Nothing left to do but
smile, smile, smile
smoke my ass bitch =D

Now he's gone
Lord he's gone
Like a steam locomotive
rolling down the track
He's gone
He's gone
and nothing's gonna bring him back
He's gone

Going where the wind don't blow so strange
Maybe on some high cold mountain train
Lost one round but the price wasn't anything
Knife in a back and more of the same
Same old rat in a drain ditch
Out on a limb
You know better but I know Him

Like I told you
What I said

Steal your face
right off your head

Now he's gone
Lord he's gone
Like a steam locomotive
rolling down the track
He's gone
He's gone
and nothin's gonna bring him back
He's gone....

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Knife

My Friends are all Rogues


Beside him was an empty throne

My friend, my friend he's got a knife
A statement from his former life
When he was easy but alone
Beside him was an empty throne
But what of silver silken blade
Affix his gaze, his features staid
Grasps the handle, clips the cable
One steps up, sits at his table
My friend, my friend, he's got a knife
My friend, my friend, he's got a wife

My friend, my friend, the clever ruse
Persuasion through his thoughts peruse
A hidden relic from his past
That wasn't there when he looked last
He feels it ticking like a bomb
Feeding fear, assaulting calm
Takes the object, starts the game
Moves it closer to the flame

My friend, my friend, the clever ruse
My friend, my friend, he lights the fuse

My friend, my friend, he's got a knife
My friend, my friend, he's got a knife
My friend, my friend, he's got a knife

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

The Day I Tried To Win

I Wallowed in the Blood and Mud with All the Other Pigs



A little about the person behind Mulch. I have a major phobia of spiders, hieghts, and airplanes, but I am addicted to roller coasters (however, ferris wheels make me cry like a 7 year old girl with a skinned knee). I am not the best speeler, and I routinely disregard proper grammer. I am also mostly an introvert, and on Meyers Briggs I am either INTP or INTJ, depending on the test.

I went to a Catholic Grammer School. I started High School in all AP classes, and ended up going to a continuation school where I completed my High School Proficiency, allowing me to start community college at 17. I did a few years of community college, but never graduated.

I tend to learn exactly what it is I need to know, so getting credits in things that were irrelevant to my mission I saw as a waste. I could have been considered, in a very odd way, an overachiever in those days.

I also suffer from ADD and medicate myself with marijuana. My house is a total confusion, cluttered, and apparently unorganized, but to me, it is a ton of open and unfinished projects.

(someone one told me a story. He said, "If you are going to promote someone to management, go to their garage. If their are outlines for the tools on the wall, and all tools neatly in place, hire them, for management. If they have tools everywhere, uncompleted projects all over, don't even hire him, he will just go work for himself." )

I interned at a local TV news station doing camera for the morning break ins and writing copy for broadcast. I eventually worked and rose to management positions in a fast food corporation, an entertainment corporation for about 3 years, and as a promotion coordinater for a radio station for about 3 years.

I always left on good terms with an all important eligible for rehire, but my experience in the corporate world really challenged my perceptions. I was blunt, and I didn't kiss ass, which made me someone with no upward mobility (it's not what you know, it is who you know). Corporations want yes men in the upper tier, not individuals who try to make those above aware of the ramifications of their decisions.

Don't get me wrong, I am a team player, but I also don't stand idly by when someone on my team with the ball is going in the wrong direction.

So for the last 3 years I have owned an internet "boutique niche" business and have done internet marketing on the side. We don't have steady business, but when we do, there is a nice profit. At various times of the year, I may be rolling in money, or flat broke and in debt.

I am no accountant, and I don't manage my money well.

SO I take other odd jobs. A headhunter tracked me down to scout me for a marketing position with a corporation affiliated with Disney, but the travel, the non consecutive days off, and the disconnect between people and the corporation turned me off and I declined the second interview. But I have been a waiter at a nightclub, a cameraman for a horse show, audio for a cinimatographers film festival, and other similar ways to boost my wallet.

This year my multi media knowledge paid off and I have been doing well making money off the corporations I despise as an independant contractor. If you saw the equipment and labor costs these corporations gladly pay, just to, in some cases party, it would make you sick.

For instance, one job I did had Elton Job play a private party (with his full entourage and band) for Wells Fargo. This show was one of the largest and most ridiculous set ups I have seen, and the most that I worked. Everyone I know in the area worked that multi million dollar show as well as layer upon layer of subcontracting, for a party of 3,000 or less invited guests(who didnt even know they were seeing Elton John until he took the stage).

So, as you can tell, without getting into my political and ecological objections to major corporations, I hate corporations.

You're Not Your Khakis



Now the season here is over for these conventions. My boutique is on slow season. I could travel 2 hours to work in my field, but being happy at home is a primary reason I work. I am in debt, but not that bad when a good week comes through. But I am at the point where I am contemplating finding some new work for off season.

I am 31, I have no health insurance, and I havent had the luxury of a regular, dependable paycheck for over 4 years. Through that, I have been able to for the most part, live alone in a 3 bedroom rental home. I also don't have health insurance, havent been to the dentist in like 5 years (or longer), the doctor in prolly the same time. I am healthy, but the possibility of my house of cards colapsiong in the event of an illness is ominous.

I have no savings or 401k for retirement. I don't manage money well. And I am imagining the prospect of of getting a regular job at a corporation for the steady income, the benefits, the peace of mind that the bills will be paid on time and I can have a bit more of a social life.

And a quote that struck me from an Kevin Spacey movie, "Swimming With Sharks" stuck with me. "If you don't turn rebel by 20 you got no heart. If you don't conform by 30 you got no brain." (btw, its kinda an unknown and very devious movie, that is often labeled comedy. I only found the ending funny, the rest of the movie is absurd, disturbing, and in some ways blistering in its satire, but certainly worth seeing and Spacey is at his finest)

But then I remember the butting heads, the ass kissing required, the chain of command and egos that live to demean others, the office politics, the two faced manipulation, and I dread the prospect of wallowing in the blood and mud with all the other pigs.

Is this an issue of pride that I need to swallow to improve my status?

For the record, I am pretty simple. I don't life a luxury lifestyle, and don't spend money on extravegant things. I don't believe in the persuit of money because the goal will never be reached no matter how much you earn.

But when I owe people money, or are in endager of not paying one of my bills, it starts getting to me and the prospect of steady pay is temepting, but the frustration, anger, humiliation, and resentment at the corporate hierachy system slaps me back in place. I remember bringing my misery home with me in the corporate world.

I see the stories of people who work 20+ years for a company, get canned, and lose their retirement, so it really makes me uncomfortable to consider it as reality once again.

A few months ago, my oldest freind of over 25 years and I had a conversation (or a bender, depending on how you view such blurry evenings).

I used to do theater, and I played with many bands, mostly ones with my friend and others. He is somewhat on the brink of mainstream commercial success atm in his musical project, but he can't get over a few obsticles in the corporate world.

(there are complex reason why I stopped acting, why I stopped playing music, and why I lost my ability to lower my gaurd to the people I love, but it is terribly personal and at the moment, I am not ready to share. ).

But anyway, my friend and I were medicating on ganja, drinking some beers, and doing some lines of coke reminising about the years behind (i have done coke less then 10 times in my life, and I fully do not endorse its usage by anyone ever. I was weak, but not something I do or have done very often at all).

He bluntly said, "If we ran into the adult us when we were teenagers, we would have either kicked our asses or mocked us because we never became the success everyone around us told us since grade 1" (from relatives, teachers, principles, counselers, other kids parents, the works. )

and he was right (and saying it to himself, as well as to me)

And I question the nature of success. I am generally happy unless I owe someone money or someone hurts me. To be happy seems to be my goal in life now, which is quite the change from the grand ambition of y unjaded youth when I was sure I was going to leave my mark on the world.

Eating the Red Pill



I am 31, and perhaps having a midlife crisis. I never married or had kids (nor wanted to go that route thus far), but have loved some wonderful women along the way (and a couple nasty ones). I also, due to my training in psychology and hypnosis, study and knowledge of the different levels of reality in this world of public relations and marketing and propoganda, see many levels that most people miss.

I see the illusions that are crafted to help "guide" people into happy lives mostly to support the sale of a product, service or idea, that creates unattainable expectations from those who munch the blue pill.

Still, I am restless and not content. Perhaps it is my own mortality (and vulnerability) that is creeping in (as beautifully stated in Harry Chapins masterpiece "There Only Was One Choice" from the brilliant and ominously foreshadwing album "Dance Band on the Titanic.")

Somewhere I became jaded with life, and although I am basically happy just living happily day to day, I wonder what it is I am supposed to do here. I pray to God to help guide me, and I have faith he will. But I feel like I am waiting for a late ship to come in, and wonder if I missed the boat, or perhaps I should be taking an airplane... but I have a fear of flying...

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Digging out from Underneath

The Day I Tried to Live

I woke the same as any other day
Except a voice was in my head
It said seize the day, pull the trigger
Drop the blade, and watch the rolling heads

The day I tried to live
I stole a thousand beggars change
And gave it to the rich

The day I tried to win
I dangled from the power lines
And let the martyrs stretch
Singing

One more time around might do it
One more time around might make it
One more time around might do it
One more time around
The day I tried to live

Words you say never seem
To live up to the ones inside your head
The lives we make never seem
To ever get us anywhere but dead

The day I tried to live
I wallowed in the blood and mud with
All the other pigs

I woke the same as any other day you know
I should have stayed in bed

The day I tried to win
I wallowed in the blood and mud with
All the other pigs

And I learned that I was a liar
Just like you

Saturday, June 17, 2006

An Open Letter to Time Warner

Hello

I use your services. Basic cable and Road runner cable (beep beep).

While recently reviewing my monthly finances, I realized that these two services are costing me about $100 a month. This seemed pretty excessive to me, especially with the frequent interuptions to your service.

Well, now, I am writing this letter on a Saturday. I was disconnected once again by one of your outages.

I called your local number, and was met by the warm friendly voice of an automated greeting prompting me to hold for help. I was transferred to another recording happily assuring me I would be connected to someone from the "customer retention" department.

Sometime later, after holding once again, I was transferred yet again, then the phone was answered by someone (a machine) informing me that the "customer retention" department was open during normal business hours monday through fridays (excluding holidays). You then asked me to provide my name phone number and address and informed me someone would assist me on the next business day (excluding holidays).

So 10 minutes of my time, to tell me to leave a messsage and that you would get back to me in two days for problems with your equipment?

I couldn't believe it. I had called for an outage two weeks ago on a saturday and a human was available. I wish you had no outages, then I wouldn't need service, but thats another rant for another time.

So I called back and found the same person assuring me I would have assistance shortly, followed by several transfers and the opportunity to leave my message on your answering machine.

That's multi billion dollar corporate effectiveness for you, huh?

So I called the toll free number listed in my phone book (since my internet didn't work, you know). It is 1-800 327-4140. It is now disconnected.

So I tried the toll free number on my bill statement. Try calling 1-800-964-2783 on a weekend to see the ridiculous maze you have to go thought to be told to leave a message.

What happened to "Customer Service" department? Are You now not providing service to your customer? What happened to technical support on services that aren't being delivered (yet are paid for). I missed your slick glossy advertising campaign where you switched from providing a service, to simply "retention."

So Time Warner, how do you think you are doing "retaining" this customer?

And why on earth would you be trusted with something as vital as a phone line when you can't be reached to provide service on your already exisiting products?

Time Warner just jumped the shark...

As annoyed as I am about the cable going out YET AGAIN (while i was working with several people in an online game at a crucial time), I am far more annoyed at Time Warners raising prices, while getting worse performasnce out of their gear, doing away with "customer service" when their gear fails, and of course, the blatent time wasting manipulation of their phone system.

Is it legal to hunt roadrunners?

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Mulch, Why Do You Keep Posting Gay Song Lyrics?

My mic is broke and rather than get a new one, I turned on music.

I am walking
out in the rain
and I am listening to the low moan
of the dial tone again
and I am getting
nowhere with you
and I can't let it go
and I can't get through...

the old woman behind the pink curtains
and the closed door
on the first floor
she's listening through the air shaft
to see how long our swan song can last

and both hands
now use both hands
oh, no don't close your eyes
I am writing
graffitti on your body
I am drawing the story of
how hard we tried
I am watching your chest rise and fall
like the tides of my life,
and the rest of it all
and your bones have been my bedframe
and your flesh has been my pillow
I am waiting for sleep
to offer up the deep
with both hands
in each other's shadows we grew less and less tall
and eventually our theories couldn't explain it all
and I'm recording our history now on the bedroom wall
and when we leave the landlord will come
and paint over it all

and I am walking
out in the rain
and I am listening to the low moan of the dial tone again
and I am getting nowhere with you
and I can't let it go
and I can't get though
So now use both hands
please use both hands
oh, no don't close your eyes
I am writing graffitti on your body
I am drawing the story of how hard we tried
hard we tried
how hard we tried

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Murder/Suicide After Iron Forge Raid

Disgusting Act Kills Three; Rest in Peace and Good Luck in Your New Life

There's blood in the streets, it's up to my ankles
She came
There's blood on the streets, it's up to my knee
She came
Blood on the streets in the town of Chicago
She came
Blood on the rise, it's following me

Think about the break of day
She came and then she drove away
Sunlight in her hair
She came

Blood in the streets runs a river of sadness
She came
Blood in the streets it's up to my thigh
She came
Yeah the river runs red down the legs of the city
She came

The women are crying rivers of weepin'
She came into town and then she drove away
Sunlight in her hair

Indians scattered on dawn's highway bleeding
Ghosts crowd the young child's fragile eggshell mind

Blood in the streets in the town of New Haven
Blood stains the roofs and the palm trees of Venice
Blood in my love in the terrible summer
Bloody red sun of Phantastic L.A.

Blood screams the pain as they chop off her fingers
Blood will be born in the birth of a nation
Blood is the rose of mysterious union
There's blood in the streets, it's up to my ankles
Blood in the streets, it's up to my knee
Blood in the streets in the town of Chicago
Blood on the rise, it's following me

 

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